During my trip to Austin this past weekend, I had so many thoughts going through my head.
#1- There are SO many people that need God
#2- I am still way too judgmental
#3- God has blessed with some new amazing friends this year. :)
#4- I have the most amazing brothers and sisters!
I saw the "weirdness" people talk about when referring to Austin and thought to myself "Why are these people living their life in total confusion when complete peace is right at their fingertips?" Then I thought to myself, "Oh, maybe these people haven't been shown love by any Christians because of who they are." It just makes my heart ache to see so many people trying to find fulfillment in gender swaps, alcohol, flirting, bad attitudes and cheating. These people aren't good because they have no good in them...we have no good in us as humans. We cannot expect any less.
HOWEVER.
We CAN show them the love of Christ, and that they won't have to keep searching for "the meaning of life" once they find Jesus. Some people call it a religion; to many that's all it is. A time to go to church on Sunday, you do "good works before men" and that makes you a "Christian." But that is so not what it's about. Christianity, TRUE Christianity, is a lifestyle. It's something you have become part of your life and it changes you inside out. You then shine Jesus instead of your fleshly self... which is all sin anyway. You become something people want to be like because of the peace you have. You know where you're going...they don't have a clue or won't admit to "believing" in heaven or hell.
I can go to my bed and stand there all day saying it's not really there, or that I don't believe it's not there. But that's ridiculous, because it IS. Just the same with Christ, heaven and hell. Just because you say you don't believe in them doesn't make them any less there.
I have this awful attitude problem sometimes...if you know me well them you'll know... I tend to sit and talk about how awful so and so is for doing _____. I will say how *I* would have done or said it, and then it becomes a huge battle of the judge. I judge til I can't think of anything else negative about that person then just say I was venting. If anything, I should vent to God...the one who can give true love for another person even if they get on my nerves or do things I wouldn't do. I want to love people do bad, I really do; Satan just tends to grab my heart and try to convince me how much better I'd feel if only I let out the thoughts I had about another person...no, it never makes me feel better just so you know.
I want to love those around me like Jesus did while He was here on earth, and does still to this day. I want to shine Him everywhere I go and have people ask me why I'm so different.
Lastly...my siblings and friends. Ah. Just a smile in itself right there. My siblings have taught me the meaning of support for other people, and how to encourage better. They have taught me the value of team spirit and being there for one another. My new friends have taught me how much I still have to learn and grow. lol God puts people in my life that will teach me new things, get me outside of my comfort zone, meet new people, go new places, do things I never would have allowed myself to believe I COULD do...all kinds of things. God is good, and has given me so many blessings.
I am who I am. I believe what I beleive because it is true. I have the freedom to chose what I do and don't want to do; I have made my mind up about certain things that I will stay away from in my life, and I hope people will be understanding of that. My God is not a religion, but a God of majesty, wonder, peace, mercy, wrath, love, judgement and righteousness and will not be put to shame by anyone or anything. He is my Lord, and I will stand up for Him no matter the cost.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
"But being full of the Holy Spirit, he (Stephen) gazed intently into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God; and he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened up and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” But they cried out with a loud voice, and covered their ears and rushed at him with one impulse. When they had driven him out of the city, they began stoning him; and the witnesses laid aside their robes at the feet of a young man named Saul. They went on stoning Stephen as he called on the Lord and said, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!” Then falling on his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them!” Having said this, he fell asleep." -Acts 7:55-60
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Painful growing and learning
"Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."
It's so nice having been forgiven for everything I've done...and even things that I will do in the future of my life. But there are so many times when I do things that I DO know what I'm doing. I'm grumpy, mean, hateful and hurtful. I say things knowing full well what I'm doing, then use the excuse when I apologize that I "didn't mean to." I meant to, plain and simple. I can apologize, but there's no way around what I did on purpose.
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." -Proverbs 31:30
I've messed up so many times in my life; I've never been a fantastic person. People only see my actions, not my heart. I DO hold bitterness. It's VERY hard for me to say I'm sorry selflessly. I tend to do what is best for "me" even if it's at the expense of someone else. I wonder quite often if I will ever learn. I constantly think to myself how God can truly love me. I start learning my lesson, then go back into old habits. I'm absolutely ashamed by the things I do sometimes.
But, right when I think I won't ever learn after doing the same things over and over, or that I can't be loved with my mistakes, God takes a hold of my heart and turns my eyes heavenward. He tells me how much He loves me, how many times He will forgive me...even when I make the worst of mistakes. He tells me that, even though I'm far from perfect, He still has a plan for my life. He warns me that it will be hard, I will be ridiculed, disliked, defriended and even hated. Yet He offers me that plan all the same.
I think to myself how much I feel I have gone through; all the hurts and scars I have. I tell myself that God couldn't possibly have a plan for me, because I'm too broken and sinful. Then He wraps me up in His love again and tells me that I am not worthless, that He died for me and my sins. He died for all of my mistakes and brokenness. He reminds me that it is when I am weak, He can show how HE is strong. I could choose a life without love, one with guilt and the feeling of misery, but the one with God is my choice. Even if it means I will be hurt more. Because now I will constantly be reminded that no matter what happens to me, or what I do, God loves me and always will.
"My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26
"Love of my life look deep in My eyes, there you will find what you need.
Give Me your life, the lust and the lies, the past you're afraid I might see.
You've been running away from Me.
You're my beloved. Lover I'm yours. Death shall not part us, It's you I died for.
For better or worse, forever we'll be. My love it unites us, and it binds you to Me.
It's a mystery.
Love of my life look deep in My eyes, there you will find what you need. I'm the giver of life I'll clothe you in white, My immaculate bride you will be.
Oh come running home to me.
You're My beloved. Lover I'm yours. And death shall not part us, It's you I died for. For better or worse, forever we'll be. My Love it unites us, and it binds you to me." ("Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North)
I am but a lowly person in God's big plan for life. Yet He chose to let me follow Him, knowing full well that I would mess up and even disgrace His name sometimes. I know I am not loving to people as I should, I know I have hurt many people, some of which I won't have the chance to apologize to. But I can repent to God, and receive His forgiveness because honestly, it might be humanly impossible for those others to forgive me. I do pray that God would keep cleansing my heart though. I pray when I fail Him and others, that He will bring me to a low low place and to my knees until I realize I've done wrong. Just because I know He will forgive me over and over and over doesn't mean I can do anything my flesh wishes to do and just go back and apologize for it. My flesh is so very weak. Only through God's strength can I overcome the desires of my fleshly body. I won't ever be perfect until I get to heaven, but each and every day I can strive to be more like my Savior, Jesus.
Dear Lord, I pray You would teach me the way to a loving heart; one that forgives without ceasing. I pray for a cleansed heart every single day of the things Satan tries to have me hold against those around me. I pray for a peaceful mind, one that is constantly on You and You alone. I pray you would grow me in You, and tear out all that is me from me. Put You, Lord, in my heart and life so I will be able to love others as You would love them. Amen.
It's so nice having been forgiven for everything I've done...and even things that I will do in the future of my life. But there are so many times when I do things that I DO know what I'm doing. I'm grumpy, mean, hateful and hurtful. I say things knowing full well what I'm doing, then use the excuse when I apologize that I "didn't mean to." I meant to, plain and simple. I can apologize, but there's no way around what I did on purpose.
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." -Proverbs 31:30
I've messed up so many times in my life; I've never been a fantastic person. People only see my actions, not my heart. I DO hold bitterness. It's VERY hard for me to say I'm sorry selflessly. I tend to do what is best for "me" even if it's at the expense of someone else. I wonder quite often if I will ever learn. I constantly think to myself how God can truly love me. I start learning my lesson, then go back into old habits. I'm absolutely ashamed by the things I do sometimes.
But, right when I think I won't ever learn after doing the same things over and over, or that I can't be loved with my mistakes, God takes a hold of my heart and turns my eyes heavenward. He tells me how much He loves me, how many times He will forgive me...even when I make the worst of mistakes. He tells me that, even though I'm far from perfect, He still has a plan for my life. He warns me that it will be hard, I will be ridiculed, disliked, defriended and even hated. Yet He offers me that plan all the same.
I think to myself how much I feel I have gone through; all the hurts and scars I have. I tell myself that God couldn't possibly have a plan for me, because I'm too broken and sinful. Then He wraps me up in His love again and tells me that I am not worthless, that He died for me and my sins. He died for all of my mistakes and brokenness. He reminds me that it is when I am weak, He can show how HE is strong. I could choose a life without love, one with guilt and the feeling of misery, but the one with God is my choice. Even if it means I will be hurt more. Because now I will constantly be reminded that no matter what happens to me, or what I do, God loves me and always will.
"My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26
"Love of my life look deep in My eyes, there you will find what you need.
Give Me your life, the lust and the lies, the past you're afraid I might see.
You've been running away from Me.
You're my beloved. Lover I'm yours. Death shall not part us, It's you I died for.
For better or worse, forever we'll be. My love it unites us, and it binds you to Me.
It's a mystery.
Love of my life look deep in My eyes, there you will find what you need. I'm the giver of life I'll clothe you in white, My immaculate bride you will be.
Oh come running home to me.
You're My beloved. Lover I'm yours. And death shall not part us, It's you I died for. For better or worse, forever we'll be. My Love it unites us, and it binds you to me." ("Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North)
I am but a lowly person in God's big plan for life. Yet He chose to let me follow Him, knowing full well that I would mess up and even disgrace His name sometimes. I know I am not loving to people as I should, I know I have hurt many people, some of which I won't have the chance to apologize to. But I can repent to God, and receive His forgiveness because honestly, it might be humanly impossible for those others to forgive me. I do pray that God would keep cleansing my heart though. I pray when I fail Him and others, that He will bring me to a low low place and to my knees until I realize I've done wrong. Just because I know He will forgive me over and over and over doesn't mean I can do anything my flesh wishes to do and just go back and apologize for it. My flesh is so very weak. Only through God's strength can I overcome the desires of my fleshly body. I won't ever be perfect until I get to heaven, but each and every day I can strive to be more like my Savior, Jesus.
Dear Lord, I pray You would teach me the way to a loving heart; one that forgives without ceasing. I pray for a cleansed heart every single day of the things Satan tries to have me hold against those around me. I pray for a peaceful mind, one that is constantly on You and You alone. I pray you would grow me in You, and tear out all that is me from me. Put You, Lord, in my heart and life so I will be able to love others as You would love them. Amen.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thinking "less" and not "ish"
You know those times in your life when you think you do so much for all of those around you then all of the sudden, like an iron anvil, life hits you and you realize you haven't been doing very much at all? Yes, it's fun and I've come to that time.
Between the small things I do, little tasks, worrying about what I SHOULD be doing and the conversing with other people via facebook or phone... I don't do much of anything productive these days. I let things get out of hand and hadn't even realized it. Sometimes it takes a harsh reality check to get me back into motion with thinking of "others" and the better of my family than constantly doing things to help myself.
I put everything off so long that when I don't ever get around to the jobs, I blame it on forgetting all about it. I'm in a pretty sad state.
"And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." -Hebrews 13:16
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." -Philippians 2:3-4
"But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?" -1 John 3:17
"Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you." -Matthew 5:42
You see, my life isn't about me. It's not about always getting only what's fair or what I feel like I deserve. It's not about having my way, it's not about always being right, it's not about always being treated right. My life is to be lived for Christ; that will mean I go through some hard things. Though, nothing I go through can even come close to what Christ went through for me.
The one thing that comes to mind when I think of saying to myself "well, that wasn't fair!" is this: Was Christ's life, rejection and crucifixion fair? Did He deserve to take on the worlds sin to Himself? Did He deserve being beaten and hung? No. Absolutely not. Life isn't fair; life certainly isn't perfect. I need to make sure that, even when things aren't going my way, I still give God the glory, keep a clean heart, a cleared head, loads of patience and only kind words flowing from my mouth.
There is so much more to life than being treated fair and getting "only what I deserve."
"To live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:20-21) Shouldn't my life be Christ? Lived like Him, given of myself like Him?
"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." -Romans 12:3
I can think of myself quite easily. It doesn't take much to be selfish or do what's best for me rather than another person. But to truly be a "Christian" I have to be Christ like...to do that I must empty all my own wants and wishes and do what is best for others, even if it means I give up my own desires. I only have this life but a short time...why would I want to waste it thinking of myself all the time? It would be rather boring, I must admit.
"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16
I need to stand out; be the person other people notice for being selfLESS and not selfISH.
Between the small things I do, little tasks, worrying about what I SHOULD be doing and the conversing with other people via facebook or phone... I don't do much of anything productive these days. I let things get out of hand and hadn't even realized it. Sometimes it takes a harsh reality check to get me back into motion with thinking of "others" and the better of my family than constantly doing things to help myself.
I put everything off so long that when I don't ever get around to the jobs, I blame it on forgetting all about it. I'm in a pretty sad state.
"And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." -Hebrews 13:16
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." -Philippians 2:3-4
"But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?" -1 John 3:17
"Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you." -Matthew 5:42
You see, my life isn't about me. It's not about always getting only what's fair or what I feel like I deserve. It's not about having my way, it's not about always being right, it's not about always being treated right. My life is to be lived for Christ; that will mean I go through some hard things. Though, nothing I go through can even come close to what Christ went through for me.
The one thing that comes to mind when I think of saying to myself "well, that wasn't fair!" is this: Was Christ's life, rejection and crucifixion fair? Did He deserve to take on the worlds sin to Himself? Did He deserve being beaten and hung? No. Absolutely not. Life isn't fair; life certainly isn't perfect. I need to make sure that, even when things aren't going my way, I still give God the glory, keep a clean heart, a cleared head, loads of patience and only kind words flowing from my mouth.
There is so much more to life than being treated fair and getting "only what I deserve."
"To live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:20-21) Shouldn't my life be Christ? Lived like Him, given of myself like Him?
"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." -Romans 12:3
I can think of myself quite easily. It doesn't take much to be selfish or do what's best for me rather than another person. But to truly be a "Christian" I have to be Christ like...to do that I must empty all my own wants and wishes and do what is best for others, even if it means I give up my own desires. I only have this life but a short time...why would I want to waste it thinking of myself all the time? It would be rather boring, I must admit.
"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16
I need to stand out; be the person other people notice for being selfLESS and not selfISH.
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