I think there are many misconceptions about marriage, the biggest being the fairy tale ending of "and they lived happily ever after". Now before you stop reading abruptly for my "negativeness," let me explain.
I think most people (women especially) have a perfect picture of what marriage should look like. People get along, they might have a disagreement about something, but the husband will give in and the wife will get her way therefore avoiding any confrontation. Things will go according to schedule, both of you and your in-laws will always get together, and you'll always have the money you need.
There's one major flaw.
Here's the catch; Satan.
Out of everything out there in this world, Satan hates a Godly marriage probably more than anything. When he sees one start to spring up and grow, he starts his attack. He puts pride in each others hearts, pushes them to hold grudges and puts a total halt to any loving actions. The couple then begins to loath even being around the other person, and we get yet another divorce.
Why do we not fight for marriages anymore? Why do we think being married means we always get our way and will never have to give in to something WE want? Well, because Satan is attacking them more than anything else.
There is absolutely such thing as having a happy marriage of 50, 60 even 70 years. I've seen couples 90+ years old and still being married to the person they first started with. It is possible. You simply have to stop making love a feeling and realizing everyday will be a choice whether to love that same person, despite their faults and quirks, or to hold every little thing against them and turn your heart away from them.
There's a song that has been playing on the radio recently and I think it is absolutely a piece of marriage revival material!
Song by Chris August:
"Nobody's growing old together, we've made it easy just to quit.
Love has become a negative percentage, why do we bother to commit?
We've got a long list of excuses, ways we try to justify.
Well, I propose to you the truth is, marriage does not have to die.
I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore.
But God is a God who knows how to heal, so just give it up to the Lord,
And He will restore.
He said with this ring I promise, and with I do she said forever.
But right now if they're being honest, they don't know if they'll stay together.
Let's fast forward to the future, after struggling on their own.
They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle.
Now I'm watching God rebuild their home.
I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore.
But God is a God who knows how to heal, so just give it up to the Lord,
And He will restore.
The enemy tries to come and divide
Trying to get us to give up the fight.
But darkness will always lose out to light,
'Cause we've got the power of Christ on our side.
I see you growing old together.
I pray I find a love like yours.
So if you're feeling like it’s falling apart, and it can't go on anymore.
God is a God who knows how to heal, so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore. Like it was before, you may have strayed off course,
But He will restore."
Giving up, in most cases, is easier than going through the fire and trials of marriage. But I think the one thing people forget, is that they not only made a vow (promise) to each other to push through thick and thin, good and bad, whether they're rich or poor, sick or healthy...and yes, even if they start to change as the years go by (we're human, we're going to constantly grow and change!) but we made that vow to GOD as well.
On a slightly different subject, on Christian vs. non Christian in a marriage.
I have seen so many women who have made SUCH a huge difference in their marriage when they come to know Christ AFTER they were married, and their husband wasn't a believer. Through their example, through prayer and constant love for that person, their spouse came to know Christ. They stuck through it even though they changed and now may not agree as much in every area. They knew they made a promise in front of God and how important it was to keep that promise. NEW believers get that, why can't we all do this? Those of us who have known Christ for most of our lives. Why? I think it goes back to the "faith of a child" verse. New believers are typically more excited and on fire for God's word than those of us who have known him for a decade or more. (It is sad, but true in many cases.)
I have definitely been one to give up on more things than I can count. But for me, when it comes to marriage, quitting is not even an option. As a matter of fact, there are no "options". I will stay with my husband until I die. I know there will be struggles, I know we will fight (even though at this point I can't imagine fighting with the man I love, I know it's going to happen occasionally,) I know there is a possibility we might struggle financially (nobody knows what their financial future will hold,) we might move and leave friends and have to start over frequently, and lastly, we will NEVER agree on every little thing in life. Those are facts. Things we need to think about before we say "I do".
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Just a side note:
None of this is in any way trying to degrade those who have been through a divorce. I have sympathy for them, not anger or hatred. If you have been through a divorce, I know it was one of the hardest things you've ever had to go through. But I pray if you have married again, you would take to heart what God has said about choosing love over anger. You must choose, every day, to love your spouse. Just as God chooses to love us despite all the wrong we do.
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Nobody will have a perfect marriage, but you can most certainly have a great marriage! One that is centered on God and His truths; one that is ordained by God and blessed by Him. The best part of marriage is not that you will not have trials and tribulations, but that when those things come, you have someone to lean on, encourage you, cry with you, struggle with you....and someone who will pray for you and be there for you.
I think one of the biggest things missing in marriages today is prayer. People just don't pray for each other anymore. Why is that? Do we think everything will always be perfect and our spouse won't ever go through something hard enough that they'd "need" prayer? Regardless of what people now days think about prayer, it is one of the more powerful things we can do. Praying requires faith, and faith can "move mountains".
Just some things to think about.
Pray for each other DAILY.
Support each other through EVERYTHING.
Do not go to bed ANGRY with one another.
ALWAYS be willing to put the other person above yourself.
Marriage is about two people. If one or the other begins making it about ONE person, it will start to fade and crumble quickly. Build your marriage on THE Rock (Jesus,) and it will do well.
I think most people (women especially) have a perfect picture of what marriage should look like. People get along, they might have a disagreement about something, but the husband will give in and the wife will get her way therefore avoiding any confrontation. Things will go according to schedule, both of you and your in-laws will always get together, and you'll always have the money you need.
There's one major flaw.
Here's the catch; Satan.
Out of everything out there in this world, Satan hates a Godly marriage probably more than anything. When he sees one start to spring up and grow, he starts his attack. He puts pride in each others hearts, pushes them to hold grudges and puts a total halt to any loving actions. The couple then begins to loath even being around the other person, and we get yet another divorce.
Why do we not fight for marriages anymore? Why do we think being married means we always get our way and will never have to give in to something WE want? Well, because Satan is attacking them more than anything else.
There is absolutely such thing as having a happy marriage of 50, 60 even 70 years. I've seen couples 90+ years old and still being married to the person they first started with. It is possible. You simply have to stop making love a feeling and realizing everyday will be a choice whether to love that same person, despite their faults and quirks, or to hold every little thing against them and turn your heart away from them.
There's a song that has been playing on the radio recently and I think it is absolutely a piece of marriage revival material!
Song by Chris August:
"Nobody's growing old together, we've made it easy just to quit.
Love has become a negative percentage, why do we bother to commit?
We've got a long list of excuses, ways we try to justify.
Well, I propose to you the truth is, marriage does not have to die.
I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore.
But God is a God who knows how to heal, so just give it up to the Lord,
And He will restore.
He said with this ring I promise, and with I do she said forever.
But right now if they're being honest, they don't know if they'll stay together.
Let's fast forward to the future, after struggling on their own.
They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle.
Now I'm watching God rebuild their home.
I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore.
But God is a God who knows how to heal, so just give it up to the Lord,
And He will restore.
The enemy tries to come and divide
Trying to get us to give up the fight.
But darkness will always lose out to light,
'Cause we've got the power of Christ on our side.
I see you growing old together.
I pray I find a love like yours.
So if you're feeling like it’s falling apart, and it can't go on anymore.
God is a God who knows how to heal, so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore. Like it was before, you may have strayed off course,
But He will restore."
Giving up, in most cases, is easier than going through the fire and trials of marriage. But I think the one thing people forget, is that they not only made a vow (promise) to each other to push through thick and thin, good and bad, whether they're rich or poor, sick or healthy...and yes, even if they start to change as the years go by (we're human, we're going to constantly grow and change!) but we made that vow to GOD as well.
On a slightly different subject, on Christian vs. non Christian in a marriage.
I have seen so many women who have made SUCH a huge difference in their marriage when they come to know Christ AFTER they were married, and their husband wasn't a believer. Through their example, through prayer and constant love for that person, their spouse came to know Christ. They stuck through it even though they changed and now may not agree as much in every area. They knew they made a promise in front of God and how important it was to keep that promise. NEW believers get that, why can't we all do this? Those of us who have known Christ for most of our lives. Why? I think it goes back to the "faith of a child" verse. New believers are typically more excited and on fire for God's word than those of us who have known him for a decade or more. (It is sad, but true in many cases.)
I have definitely been one to give up on more things than I can count. But for me, when it comes to marriage, quitting is not even an option. As a matter of fact, there are no "options". I will stay with my husband until I die. I know there will be struggles, I know we will fight (even though at this point I can't imagine fighting with the man I love, I know it's going to happen occasionally,) I know there is a possibility we might struggle financially (nobody knows what their financial future will hold,) we might move and leave friends and have to start over frequently, and lastly, we will NEVER agree on every little thing in life. Those are facts. Things we need to think about before we say "I do".
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Just a side note:
None of this is in any way trying to degrade those who have been through a divorce. I have sympathy for them, not anger or hatred. If you have been through a divorce, I know it was one of the hardest things you've ever had to go through. But I pray if you have married again, you would take to heart what God has said about choosing love over anger. You must choose, every day, to love your spouse. Just as God chooses to love us despite all the wrong we do.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nobody will have a perfect marriage, but you can most certainly have a great marriage! One that is centered on God and His truths; one that is ordained by God and blessed by Him. The best part of marriage is not that you will not have trials and tribulations, but that when those things come, you have someone to lean on, encourage you, cry with you, struggle with you....and someone who will pray for you and be there for you.
I think one of the biggest things missing in marriages today is prayer. People just don't pray for each other anymore. Why is that? Do we think everything will always be perfect and our spouse won't ever go through something hard enough that they'd "need" prayer? Regardless of what people now days think about prayer, it is one of the more powerful things we can do. Praying requires faith, and faith can "move mountains".
Just some things to think about.
Pray for each other DAILY.
Support each other through EVERYTHING.
Do not go to bed ANGRY with one another.
ALWAYS be willing to put the other person above yourself.
Marriage is about two people. If one or the other begins making it about ONE person, it will start to fade and crumble quickly. Build your marriage on THE Rock (Jesus,) and it will do well.
