Healing or Forever Pain?

Forgiveness is hardest when someone has purposefully hurt or offended us. To this day I continue to struggle with this. Not many people have hurt me enough where I felt I couldn't forgive them, but there are a few. 

What is the best way to move past this feeling of hatred or pain? I still don't have the answer to that one. Day in and day out I have to beg God to help me forgive those people once again. Every day. I think I'm over it...then something reminds me, or the name is brought up. I just lose it and question God through tear filled eyes and clenched teeth "why me? What did I do to deserve this?" He hasn't sent a hand written letter down from heaven explaining why I endured these specific things, or what I did to make these people dislike me so much, but I do know this: I am a sinner in a world of sinners, and nobody is ever treated fairly. Nobody gets the perfect "love" or "acceptance" they feel they DESERVE, because we are an imperfect people. 

Over time, the scars I have from people in my past haven't seemed to heal at all. I don't think they will ever truly "heal", but If there's even just one thing in this life that I can count on, every time, without a doubt, it is the love of my Healer and Savior.

Even with pain inside, I have to move forward every day. It won't get easier for a long time, and I may not even be able to mention the persons name yet, but time will help me heal. 

There are certain people who enter our lives that we feel made us break into pieces, when in reality, every person who we come into contact with has a purpose. We may not see the meaning until years later, or possibly not even until we' re in heaven someday. But never has there been a circumstance where God wasn't brought the glory or showed mighty. He brings good even from the worst places in our lives.

Our past is in the past, and should never define our future. No matter where we have come from or what we have done, Gods forgiveness is there for us and is there to allow us to give to others, all we have to do is ask. 

But, that's the hardest part, isn't it? Asking for forgiveness and realizing we cannot forgive on our own.

Personally, because I have always been a worse case scenario kind of person, along with being fearful over the smallest little things, it's not as easy to "just forget about it." With some people, it is harder to let go of a painful past, and even harder to not feel inferior or at fault for all of the negative situations, but for those in this category along with me, the best thing we can do is "let go and let God."  He will always take the load of any burden He knows is too heavy for us. 

The only thing that keeps me sane is God, and remembering that I, too, am a sinner and have hurt others as well. I am not perfect, I am not always the perfect example of Christ, His love, forgiveness or compassion. 

They're called scars for a reason. They won't ever disappear, but over time, instead of reminding us of pain, they will remind us of the strength God gave us to get through those hard times.

The Love Of Jesus

There are many different opinions about love and how much or little one needs in their life to be truly Christ like. There are those who withhold it to a certain extent and those who love no matter what people have done/are doing. Whereas I agree that JUST loving someone isn't always the best thing that person needs, I do think love is the answer to a lot of problems; moral and elsewhere.

The verse that says "God is love" is often interpreted "God is love, therefore everyone just needs to love each other no matter the situation". This, of course, being what a lot of people call "hippie" mentality, of  "peace on the earth, everyone is alright and we should all just learn to get a long." There's almost always truth in people's opinions (key word here: almost,) even if you have to dig to find it.

That first sin in the garden of Eden was mankind choosing selfishness over true love (trust) for the very One that gave man his life. Cain and Abel: one brother choosing pride over love (humbleness). Looking through scripture you see countless times where someone had the choice to love but went their own selfish way. This, of course, is not a huge surprise seeing as how humans have no good in themselves. There is a quote by C.S. Lewis that says " Good people know about both good and evil: bad people do not know about either." We are not good, only through Christ can "good" be found in us (hence, "good people".) We know nothing of love. We live our lives for the very purpose of getting or doing what we want.

This is where we got into trouble. That first decision changed our lives forever, because sin was passed down from generation to generation, only becoming more and more fierce within us as time went on. We have nothing we can offer God. He doesn't "need" any of us, but "If He who in Himself can lack nothing, chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed." (C.S.Lewis) Our lives are meaningless without something to live and die for. Everyone searches for that something, but few find it. Why? Because they try to find it within themselves. God cannot be found inside of you if you have not already allowed Him to enter in.

I find it sad that so many people (myself included) "preach" (speak of) love and how we should live a life filled with the love of Jesus Christ, yet we seldom show this great love we speak of. Again; why? The answer is simple, though most of us will turn our nose up and start the "hollier than thou" speech. We hear someone say something we disagree with, do something other than the way we would have done it, quote a sentence wrong, misquote a fact, etc. The list could go on for pages on end, but it all comes down to one thing; pride.  We have to prove how much we know. Sometimes it's just the fact that we HAVE TO have the last word. (Remember, as Jesus was wrongly accused, He did not open His mouth.)

We cannot give the love to others we strive for because of our pride, and let me tell you, the harder we try on our own to overcome the pride, the more prideful we will become. See, God doesn't "need" us, but we sure as anything need Him! Without Him we would know nothing of love, forgiveness, humbleness, kindness, truth and justice. Jesus is our ultimate example, but how are we to "be Christ like" when we never spend time with Him; when we never read in His word to know how we can accomplish the life one should be living. How do we honestly expect to do that? Just wing it? My friends, there are many things in life that you can just guess at and hope to get by, but being a follower of Christ is not one of them. To truly know the heart of Jesus, we have to KNOW Jesus. We cannot know Jesus if we have no Jesus, if we never sit down to learn about Him.

We think once we've heard about His great acts of love and forgiveness, once we've learned all of the major "popular" stories, we're good; we no longer need to spend time in His word. Doctors, dentists and veterinarians (off the top of my head examples) have to continue studying and taking tests once they are licensed to make sure they keep up with all of the new discoveries and rules. If they just learned what they needed and never kept their information up to date, they could very well be making people worse than better. Just like those people, we have to continue our "education" (for lack of a better word) on Christ. We can't ever comprehend everything about Him; so why would we stop learning? There will always be new discoveries, new creatures, plants, information, etc to learn. We don't know the half of what God has done and is still doing to this day! But if we have no interest in learning more about Him, then our desire to have Him is worthless. Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying you have to go to seminary or get your doctorate degree  in creation or such, but everyone, the youngest to the oldest Christians, should never stop yearning to know more about the one they claim to love.

Love is a big thing, it is what brings people together, and that lack of it will tear people apart. There is a time for merciful love, and a time for tough love, but no matter what we do, say, think or act upon, it should always be in love.

Paying The Price

It never seems to stop. Every time an election peeks around the corner, people turn into animals. You hear lies, accusations, judging, and gossip everywhere you go. It gets very tiring. We blame everyone else for the problems we face as a nation when in reality, it is our own fault.

I've heard people blame Clinton, Bush and now Obama for every single problem we have. And I'm not saying some of the problems we face aren't from presidents throughout history. I'm simply saying we don't take any blame ourselves for the problems we have let get so far. This has nothing to do with where our votes go, I'm talking about who we place as our nations "savior". I've seen signs and posters everywhere saying "_____ is our only hope" or "the only one who can save our nation is _____". Since when has it been a good idea to cause/make problems and hire someone else to fix them? "You reap what you sow", remember hearing that before? Don't misinterpret what I'm saying; having a president is a good thing, but putting him above God or in God's place is never acceptable. THAT is the reason our nation is in trouble. The fact that, over the years, people who don't know what they're doing have gotten put in the Whitehouse is because we no longer have convictions and go for anyone who has a good speech. Everyone wants "freedom to choose" when, the only way we will ever have freedom is through God. The government cannot give it to us, the president cannot give it to us...they are only human and will make mistakes. That's normally when we go to God to fix the issues. Just like the Israelites disobeying God then running back to Him when a problem arose.
Why? Why do we only realize we're in need once it's too late? Because we don't want to see what's happening.

For our conservatives...Obama isn't the best choice to be in the position he got placed in, okay, but he is not THE problem. The problem is people thinking he can fix our problems.

Nobody on the face of this earth is our "savior". No one person can make a dent in all the things that need to be fixed, because the problem is us. The human race...one that has been turning further and further from God since we were created. These problems haven't just all of the sudden popped up, like I said, we have chosen not to see certain things, chosen to stand back silently and see "what happens". Well, now we are paying the price.

The first thing to do is admit we are part of the problem. We are a pride filled bunch, so most people can't admit they have done anything wrong. We CAN be part of the solution, but only as we realize God is our nations ONLY hope. Not some man run in an overrated position.

It makes me sick to see people so blind to what is really going on these days. What's the worst part, you ask? That we could care less. We talk about our nations debt, and whereas I think it is ridiculous, look at our own finances as a PEOPLE. How are we to expect to raise men who will run a nation properly, spend wisely and know what it truly means to be a wise leader, when we don't teach it at home.

We are spoiled. We sit back in our cozy homes with our iPhones watching the game on a giant flat screen TV, all of which we really can't "afford" anyway...yet we gripe out the government for what? Being just like us? Do we really not see the problem?

The change isn't Obama's to make. It is each persons responsibility...every family, couple, and  individual. When each person starts making a change in their own lives...that is when we can expect to see a change in our nation.

God MUST be the center of our lives, our homes, our thoughts and our hearts. There is no other way.  

There is no other savior.