Unexpected blessings

Everyone has had that time in their life that seems harder than all others. They feel like the outcast, unloved, alone, etc, etc. It's a sad time.

Then one day out of the blue, God sent a blessing. Yes, it was unexpected, but taken with open arms. Finally! Someone who understands me, who listens to me and doesn't stick around just because they get something out of the friendship!

Indeed, I've had this happen. It was slow because I wasn't willing to trust...but I found that friend. JUST when I needed it, I was sent a blessing. He was a little wild (well, super unexpected with the things he decided to do,) he pushed me to do these very kinds of things (which freaked me out and intrigued me all at the same time,) he popped SO many of my bubbles that I'd built up over my lifetime...depressing ones, sad ones, fearful ones...he listened when I had something to say, and he just accepted me for who I was. He didn't care if I couldn't swim, didn't tease me with how I dressed or how shy I would get, didn't shun me when I said what was on my mind...it was what I had needed, right when I needed it.

God has perfect timing. His sure beats mine for sure! Nathan has seen the worst I can be, yet he still chooses to be there for me. That is more rare than finding a four leaf clover. ;)
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

God has shown me so much this past year. He's brought me to my knees, to tears, laughter harder than ever before, I've counted my blessings and found an abundance of them; I've been taught so much, and I still have SO much to learn! I pray God will keep breaking me until I go to be with Him someday. A friend said awhile back "God is breaking me, and it's a beautiful thing." And it is! It's absolutely beautiful! You see, when God breaks us it is with a love that no man can give, and when He rebuilds us we are better than ever before! He redesigns our whole life and sheds light on different things we never noticed before. He gives and gives even when we fail Him. He never leaves us, even in the times when we think He has.

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. "
~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

What does your tomorrow hold?

There are many days when I worry so much about my life; where will I be in a year? 5 Years? 10 Years? Where will I even be just tomorrow? Will I be down or happy and excited with life?

Do you know what the amazing thing about life is? God knows exactly what will happen. He has since before time. He knew when we were going to be born, even hundreds of years before we were conceived. He knows what our life will turn out like, and who all we will touch. Planning my life so I don't just wonder throughout the days doing nothing is fine, but when it comes to tomorrow, only God knows what that will hold. It might be raining and dreary, or it could be sunny and exciting! Whatever the day holds, know that God is there and still knows what tomorrow holds.

My life seems like a mess at times and an organized chaos at others. Some days I'm in the dumps and others I'm cheerful no matter what happens. The thing I need to remember is that God knows. That's all I need to know!

"I don't know about tomorrow; I just live from day to day. I don't borrow from its sunshine, for its skies may turn to grey.
I don't worry o'er the future, for I know what Jesus said. And today I'll walk beside Him, for He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow,
and I know who holds my hand."

Blessings

My day was spent around a group of amazing people, doing something super fun, but also a good ministry.

We organized and packed the goodie bags for the Hope Open tennis tournament. The people that were there helping just had such a beautiful glow of happiness. One of the ladies, especially, is such an encouragement to everyone she comes in contact with. Her love for helping others is amazing and never ending. Her enthusiasm for life is so very contagious, and makes me smile even now just thinking about her.

God sends people our way for a reason. I met this amazing lady last year at this very tournament, and have thought of her quite often throughout the past year unable to wait for the tournament to roll around again so me and my family could work with her once again. My family and I both talk about her for ages after the tournament is over.

To meet someone who is just so full of life and love for others is definitely a treasure to remember. With so many people being hurt, hurting inside, or being miserable with their life...it's always so uplifting to see even just one person who is full of energy and life!

I pray I will catch some of what Mrs. Heather has in this short time I'm around her again. Her smile is a beam of God's love, and living proof that there are still good people out there to meet and join together with.

Maybe you have someone in your life that encourages you more than anyone you've ever met. Let them know how much they mean to you; there are so many people that mean so much to so many, but rarely get encouragement themselves. They live their life for others, never knowing if they've made a difference...it's a good habit to try and uplift those who are always doing the uplifting. It's something I do not hardly ever do, and something I so wish I was better at. I sure know how much is means to me when someone tells me I've encouraged them in some area.

Life your life to the fullest! God loves you, and will take care of all your needs. Life isn't perfect, but our God most definitely is! :)

Selfless

I was talking to someone at church today, and the words "patience" "humbleness" and "selfless" came up a few times. We then went on to talk about what they meant. The definition of selfless is: "Having, exhibiting, or motivated by no concern for oneself; unselfish"

How many times have I gone into a relationship expecting someone to give me love and acceptance?
How many times have I gone into a relationship expecting nothing?
How many times have I gone into a relationship vowing to give all I have and expect nothing back?

Life is full of disappointments. It's just a fact (one I've always made very clear to myself lol). Because of selfishness, I believe, I make life harder on myself than necessary. Not saying if I give and give and give life will be great. But is it not better to live a life of selflessness than to live a life for myself and never be happy?

I truly believe that most relationship problems are because of selfishness. It's such a deep problem, that grabs a hold of us tightly. When I look around at marriages, they seem to be destroyed because either one, or both, of the people involved have completely selfish motives. They want things done their own way, when they say it. They want a new house, car, ring, clothes, "toys" etc, etc, etc...the list can go on. The sad thing is, the more you get the more you'll want, and you will never be happy with what you have. Your life will consist of getting more and more and more. Oh, the times I have gotten everything I have wanted...and still, it was not enough. Being happy with the least can give you the most.

To make a selfless choice, I have to put myself last. That doesn't mean it will result in a complete lack of self confidence or downing myself. I think a lot of people think that putting oneself last means not caring about them-self. It's simply not true.

God is to be first in my life. In everything I do. When I do that, love for others will come naturally! :) When I love God with all of my heart and live that out, it will overflow into other people. When I love others more than myself, God will bless it.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
- 1 John 4:8

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men."
- Philippians 2:3-10

"It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
- Matthew 20:26-28

The more I think about myself or what I want in ANY situation, the more trouble, stress, and unhappiness I will have. I should *never* go into a situation thinking of what I want. I should always sacrifice my wants for others. God gave us everything He had. His life. For a bunch of sinners; for the very ones who hung Him on the cross. But even with that...He willingly gave Himself. Loved us absolutely selflessly. He knew a lot of people wouldn't love Him back, yet He did it anyway. THAT is how we should live our life! Love with no thoughts of getting any love in return...not even a little. Those who curse us, hate us, or are just plain awful to us...we are to love them all.

"You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
- Matthew 5:43-44)

A selfless love. That should be my goal in life. To love my amazing Lord with all that I have. To give myself to Him so that He will be able to use me for something amazing...that only HE could make possible! Oh, the joys and blessings the Lord will give to those who trust and love Him fully! I'm not getting any younger, but if I can love and worship my God with the strength and love He empowers me with, then I believe He will be able to use me for something great. He can use you, as well.

I challenge myself so often. Rarely do I remember after a week what I have tried to keep up. But this, THIS, is something that I will need to be able to get through life. I can only do it with God's help, though, because I have only fleshly desires and selfishness in me. But through Christ, I can accomplish great things. What a promise!

"You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do" -Jonny Diaz

I've come to realize something... Friends aren't supposed to be my life. Amazing huh? When God talks about being the center of our life, or setting our eyes on things of heaven and not earth, when He says where our treasure is that's where our hearts will be, He means exactly that.

When we spend our whole life searching for a "true friend", if our focus is to make people think we're cool, or maybe we're trying to make people like a fake us; that is so incredibly selfish! We are taking all that thinking, loving...putting our whole hearts into something other than God. When we get to heaven He won't send us away if we didn't have only one friend...or none at all. Life isn't about friends! Friends are amazing, can be uplifting, encouraging and a super huge blessing, but God will soon take those people away if our attention is all on "people" and not Him. He IS a jealous and righteous God. He DOES deserve all of our time and attention.

For a long time I lived a life trying so desperately hard to make people like me. I would do things, say things, or wear things because that's what "everyone else" was doing and I thought just MAYBE they would like me, accept me, if I did what they did. News flash...THEY are doing those things because people THEY know or follow are doing them. In reality...they best way to make people like us, is to simply be yourself. God didn't make us the way we are so we could hide behind a mask that shouts "I look like him/her!!!" We're unique. We're perfectly and wonderfully made. We're an imperfect people, but were made by a perfect God.

We will never be happy, never have true friends if our focus is on doing things to make them happy. Be yourself! Give your time to God...He will bless you more than you can even imagine.

I'm still learning this lesson. I still "envy" girls sometimes because they "look better than I do." I have to remind myself that I am "perfectly and wonderfully made." God made me the way I am for a reason. By not being myself, I am basically telling God I don't approve of His work.

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Thank God for the imperfections you have. Someday, He might just help you accept them. :)

Growing pains

Most of my day was spent thinking. About...well, pretty much everything. My brain does that quite often.

After going to the gym with my dad, I was worn out. Trying to keep up with him is harder than I thought. I may be younger, but he definitely has more endurance. lol I love him to death, and I love how he pushes me.

Most of my life has been spent trying to fit in. I have always been the shy/spunky, quiet/weird...you name it, I was it (when it came to the kind of person that people didn't want to hang out with). I had friends, but eventually I got to where I just didn't trust many people at all. Through it all, of course, God taught me a lot. It's ok for me to have friends, but I don't need to put all my trust in the people around me. There is a place for that, but all my trust needs to be put in Christ. All my love needs to be poured into him. Only then can true trust and love be given to other people.

To find worth in "things" or "people" in this life will always keep an empty feeling deep down. Christ is the only thing that can make us feel fulfilled. I knew this a long time ago...but it's still hard to keep it in good practice every day. This world is a fallen place. Plain and simple. I cannot be perfect, nor can anyone else. Saved or unsaved. But because I have Christ living within me, I have the option of CHOOSING to do right. Before Christ was in my life, I could only choose sin.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing."

Growing is never easy. Just like we will have growing pains from our bones...so will we have pains from growing mentally and spiritually. Growing is never easy. Things change and we have to accept the new cercumstances that God sends us. We don't know why certain things happen, but in everything God sends us, He has a reason and a plan for it. All we have to do is trust him with our whole heart.

Life's journey

For the past year and a half God has been trying to teach me the same thing over and over. Forgiveness. My arguments to Him every time someone does something that is hard for me to forgive is "well, they did something awful! It's hard to forgive them, God. I don't know if I can." I've realized just how selfish this is.

Even after everything I've done, sinful rotten person and all, God still loved me enough that He forgave everything I've ever done...and WILL ever do. How then, can I compare my life and the "hard" things in it to God's love and forgiveness He's had for me? I can't. Well, I do, but it shouldn't be possible. There is no comparison. There is NOTHING anyone can do to me that is worse than what I did to Christ.

Because of my sin, Jessica's sin, Christ had to die on a cross...the most excruciatingly painful punishment known to man. I may think I can't forgive someone, but in reality it's that I "won't".

My life, and all the so called worrisome problems in it, are nothing. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. God never gives us more than we can handle, He simply wishes for us to let Him take our burdens.

There are lots of things that I've carried through my life. All of which should have been handed over to God. Maybe some day I'll learn...in the mean time, I will keep trying. I know I won't ever be perfect, I know I cannot ever be happy without my God. I know God can give me the peace, joy, forgiving heart and love that I need to have. I simply have to trust Him with all that I am with all that I have.

“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can,
as long as ever you can.” -John Wesley

Remodeling

Last week my dad and brother-in-law spent a day sanding my bedroom walls, putting a skim coat of Sheetrock mud on them, then sanding them, once again. Now I have spent the last few days cleaning everything out of my room, prepping it for paint, and last but not least, priming everything. It's rather tiring work but it feels good to work on a DIY project again. I've missed that "before" and "after" kind of thing, and I can't wait to get it finished so I can see all my hard work put together. :)

Some of the DIY projects are actually a lot like the Christian walk. Cleaning out a room to start anew is like our renewal we get from Christ. When we become a follower of Christ, He cleans us up inside and out. Gets all the junk thrown out, then starts the "remodel". Like we go and paint over stained walls and put new flooring down over the old, worn floors, God also goes and covers His blood over our imperfections, "junk" and past sins.

The final project is always astonishing. What once was a heap of ruins is now a brand new creation. Beware, though, because there are those who make themselves seem to have had the makeover and are new, but in reality they just covered up the rot and trash with cheap materials. They have the outward look of a new creature, but inside they are still the same, still rotting and will eventually fall apart.

When God remakes our life and lives within us, He is constantly doing the upkeep to make sure His child doesn't fall apart. We have a sinful nature and won't be made perfect until the day we reach heaven, so nobody should expect a perfect life when they accept Christ. He has given us a freedom to make our own choices, and the choices we make reflect our walk with Christ.God can be there, ready to repair when we need it, but we have to ask Him to. If we're truly children of God, no matter how far we stray from Him, we will eventually come back. We have Christ living within us, the ultimate Healer; the Creator.

I still have a lot of things that I let go for awhile that I need God to repair to their original beauty. But I have complete trust that He will never leave me, nor forsake me. In the good times or in the bad, God is there for me...and for all the others who have come to Him.

Prayer is real.

As I stood in a room today working tiredly, I started praying, then thinking about the things I've been praying for lately.

One of the biggest things was that God would give me an opportunity to make some extra money. Now, I'm unmarried, don't own a car and still live at home, so it's not like I'm in need of money. I have just been trying to save up more at a time.

Anyway.

The past two days I have been at work, which is a day more than my usual schedule, which means more money. I've also been asked to make lunch for the work crew for a few more weeks. God answered my prayer. However, I wasn't thanking Him for this blessing. I was complaining to myself that I was tired and didn't have the energy or desire to work...when, it was specifically what I had prayed for.

I think God not only answered my prayer, but is teaching me a lesson through it as well. To be grateful in all things, no matter how hard, and to have patience with people. Every now and then my patience just wears thin and I get so aggravated at everyone who tries to talk to me. Patience is hard when you want something "now" and God says "not now."

Lessons learned, prayers answered, but through it all God deserves praise. When I stand before Him one day the biggest thing looked at won't be how many jobs I had or how much money I made. It will be how I handled them and who I gave the praise to. I should be grateful to the people who give me the opportunities, but I should thank God for blessing me even when I didn't deserve it.

God, money, and Dave Ramsey

Today my thoughts were on money...a lot. I went shopping with my sister, and everything I saw I wanted! So inconvenient when you would rather not spend your money.

I had to remind myself of some bible verses.

"The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenty; but the thoughts of everyone who is hasty only to poverty." -Proverbs 21:5

"Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms shall be filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
-Proverbs 24:3-4

"He who has no rule over his own spirit is like a broken down city without a wall."
-Proverbs 25:28

"For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he may have enough to finish it; lest perhaps, after he has laid the foundation and is not able to finish, all those seeing begin to mock him, saying, This man began to build and was not able to finish." -Luke 14:28-30

At the end of my life, what will it matter if I bought that string of beads, pair of shoes, high end clothes, over priced phone, or latest flat screen? It won't. Doesn't mean I can't ever buy anything...it doesn't mean I can't ever buy anything I just "want" and don't "need," either. But, there is a time for everything, and most of the time buying something I "want" won't make me any happier after I've gotten it than before I had it. Humans are so spoiled today that getting is never good enough. We will always hunger for more, and more, and more...*things* will become our life and will eventually take it over, it we're not careful.

Matthew 6:19- 21 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

When you put everything you have into material things, your heart will start to attach to those things...when that happens, what's left for God? What's left for those around you who love you? Not much, is it? The things of this earth are for our pleasure, to enjoy...but they're not to take over our life. That only brings more emptiness. If we fill our hearts up with God, there won't be any desire for lots of stuff to clutter up our life.

We don't have to have things to make us happy. I don't have to get everything I want. God will provide and bless as He sees fit, and until He does I don't need to go out and spend everything I have to get things I don't need.

I think Dave Ramsey would have been proud of me, today, with as much as I turned down. :)