Change Of Heart

You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me,  yet you refuse to come to me to have life. (John 5:39, 40 NIV84)

Studying Gods word with the desire to do nothing more than gain knowledge to show others means we do not truly understand what God says. There are too many people who want the knowledge that Gods word offers, without taking in the grace, love and lifestyle. If we live for knowledge, we will not find what we're looking for. The amazing truths to the bible are found through a relationship. When we love someone we don't feel like we *have to* study them, but watch carefully, learning all we can about them so we know every aspect of their life.

God is a very deep being. We will never know all He knows, nor will we ever know everything about Him. But He tells us that of everything we can learn, love is above all else.

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have  the gift of  prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  And if I give all my possessions to feed  the poor,  and if I surrender my body  to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.   Love is patient, love is kind  and  is not jealous; love does not brag  and  is not arrogant,   does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong  suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.   Love never fails; but if  there are gifts of  prophecy, they will be done away; if  there are  tongues, they will cease; if  there is  knowledge, it will be done away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part;  but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.  When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.  But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13 NASB)

We can have all the knowledge of the world, but we are nothing if we do not have love. We can go serve communities, the homeless, widows and orphans; but if we do not have love, it means nothing. 

It really isn't that difficult. We are to be like God, serve as He served, talk as He talked, live as He lived; and the bible says "God is love". Everything we do in this life should have love rooted deep inside of it. If what we are about to say doesn't sound loving; we must hold our tongue. Doesn't matter if it is the truth, a fact, or an opinion; if it isn't out of love DO NOT SAY IT. If we are about to do something and it isn't loving or could be hurtful to another person, back away. I don't care what it is, how funny it will be or if "most" people wouldn't mind. If you damage your image of Christ for a SINGLE person, that is one more person that will never be open to the gospel. 

We have become a people that are too strong headed for our own good. We have gotten so fed up with "conservatives" ruining our fun that we have become a bunch of heartless beings; doing what we want, when we want...with no thought of the consequences. If it offends somebody, "Too bad. It's the truth and they need to learn to deal with it." 

Of course, because Jesus always spoke the truth dryly without a hint of love; right? See, here is the difference. When Jesus "spoke the truth" he was speaking out of compassion and kindness, realizing people needed to hear truth, but knowing WITHOUT LOVE,  nobody would listen or think good of Him whatsoever. He would be doing more harm than good and would have turned away thousands and thousands of people from the gospel and they would have all gone to hell. 

Think about it. Is it REALLY worth it to us to speak our mind freely,  state our opinion, or prove we're right at the cost of another being going to hell? Oh, you don't think your one action could do that? Think again. One simple slip up on your part could mean the forever tormenting of another person. You say that's their fault for being offended too easily? Then you do not KNOW Christ. You know OF Him. 

It is stated very clearly. 

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son  to be  the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  We love, because He first loved us.  If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen." (1 John 4:7-11, 19-20 NASB)

Love in our lives is proof we have Jesus living inside of us. If we do not have love, we cannot know Him.

It's time we look at our lives. Do we produce the love that Jesus had for those around Him, or do we let other people know we care nothing about them by the bitterness we allow to cover our lives? 

It is time for a change. 

Renewal Through Repair

The start of the New Year can be a time of new beginnings, but often for me, it is more of a reminder of all the things I never completed. It is easy to throw pity parties, so I throw the mother of all parties. Instead of moving forward and starting anew, I live in my past and all of the things I was too afraid to finish...or even start.

Then it hit me. Having "New Years resolutions" isn't to accomplish everything you write down. We won't be able to complete every task we would like to accomplish; we are human, and life doesn't conform to our schedule. It is more of a resolution to oneself to say "I will use my time more wisely this year." So, a few examples would be: even if we don't go every week to volunteer somewhere, once a month is more than we did the year before. Even if we don't get our house perfectly organized, having is liveable is better than it was before. Even if we don't finish the whole bible in a year, reading every day is better than once a month the last year.
Things like that. The New Year is a time of new beginnings. But as Christians, we can have this every day. Every morning when we get up, our past has been forgotten. It is a new day with new blessings.

The biggest question we can ask is this: how are we using the days God has given us? Do we spend more time thinking of ourselves, or do we have a heart for others? Are we stuck in our past, living every day over and over because we can't let go and give our sins, mistakes and brokenness to God, or do we move forward every morning knowing God's blood has covered all of our sins and His healing over our brokenness?

I will come right out and say it; I do the first in every area.

See, I do not trust hardly anyone. I will be the first to admit it. I do not like other people being in control of what happens to me, because in my mind they won't know what's best for me as well as I do. If someone has hurt me, the next person that comes along must "prove themselves" before I will even consider trusting them. I'm not gullible enough to trust just anyone. But the number of people I hurt because I just can't let go of my past is saddening. Worst of all, I haven't trusted God like I used to in a long time.

I can write that you need to lean on God in hard times, trust Him in every area of your life and let go of your past so God can take over your future....but lately I am very bad at practicing what I preach. My grasp is held so tightly on my wounds and the people who have caused them that I no longer find joy in things and people that I used to. The circulation is being cut off from my hands, and it is painful. I fear it being even more painful to let go; so I continue to live with this self inflicted pain day in and day out.

Someone has made fun of how I look, I never trust people when they compliment my looks.
Someone has made a comment about my weight, I become depressed and can't eat.
Someone makes it their life goal to make me miserable, I no longer want to be around anyone, even my family, because who knows, they might be thinking the same thing about me.
Someone teases me about my lack of knowledge, I am now an idiot in my mind, and I lose any desire to even TRY to learn.

Basically I lose all desire to live my life to the fullest that is could be.

Now before you begin to chastise me for thinking such things about myself, I know it is not right. I know I'm not dumb, ugly or fat. But, like Hitler said, "Tell a lie often enough, loud enough, and long enough, and people will believe you." So, I have started believing every negative thing people say to me. 

It is so easy to believe what people say, because you are around them all the time. Some people you're unable to get away from. Their nagging and lies ring through your head. They become voices that linger even after the people are gone...and at times, penetrate even our dreams.

I am ashamed to admit it, but the only praying I've been doing lately is just sobs and begging God to make everything go away. But He doesn't just wave a magic wand and make every hurt disappear. I must choose to release it.

It is a little harder to hear God when I'm constantly listening to the loud voices all around me. God doesn't speak like a raging wind. He speaks through a still small voice.

"And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." -1 Kings 19:11-12

To hear God I have to tune out all of the other noise in my life. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially when it feels like people get in your face and yell their little speeches. But "with God, all things are possible" and I know He can help mute the words of others. No matter what they say, I am not who they make me out to be.

In God's eyes, I am who He made me to be. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a princess of the King. I have wisdom, because I have HIM. I am no better than anyone else on this earth, but the difference between me and them is that I have been made new by God's grace. I am more than any mistake I have ever made. I am set free by God's forgiveness of my sins. I have the freedom to choose whether or not I will be happy, because even when Satan throws everything at me to make my life miserable, as long as I have Jesus I STILL have something to be happy about. And Satan cannot take Jesus and my faith away from me.

My New Years resolutions are probably not as elaborate as yours, but a few are these:

-Decide to be happy despite my circumstances
-Release my past. EVERY. DAY.
-Go to God instead of myself

The lines of communication between me and God are open. I simply have to make the decision to use them. 

My life is not what THEY say it is. I am not who THEY say I am. I am so much more. If people do not respect God enough to respect me, then they are unnecessary in my life. 

So, my request is this. Prayer. I need prayer to be able to mend the strong relationship I once had with God. I have allowed my wounds to pull me away from Him, and it is making me miserable. I need God more than I need anything or anyone else in my life, and I need the strength to stand up to those who try to tear me away from Him.
  
Any of you out there who struggle with these things, know that God is always there for you. He cannot stop bad things from happening in your life, but He CAN and WILL be there when they do. He gives people the freedom to make their own choices...and they do not always make the right ones....those decisions can affect our lives. But it is OUR choice whether or not we let other people's sin make a negative impact on us, or we will turn our eyes and hearts to Jesus. If you want to know the one thing that makes Satan more angry than anything, it is praying for your enemy. Forgiving those who have done wrong against you even though they have not asked for your forgiveness. It makes Him mad, and makes you immune to the poison those people try to harm you with because you do not let their anger/hatred make you miserable. And they can't stand that. Together, you and I with God, we will get through pain. We will overcome the hurt we have had to endure. Christ died so that we don't have to live in the bondage or sin (our or other people's.) It is time we accept that part of our relationship with Him.