The start of the New Year can be a time of new beginnings, but often for me, it is more of a reminder of all the things I never completed. It is easy to throw pity parties, so I throw the mother of all parties. Instead of moving forward and starting anew, I live in my past and all of the things I was too afraid to finish...or even start.
Then it hit me. Having "New Years resolutions" isn't to accomplish everything you write down. We won't be able to complete every task we would like to accomplish; we are human, and life doesn't conform to our schedule. It is more of a resolution to oneself to say "I will use my time more wisely this year." So, a few examples would be: even if we don't go every week to volunteer somewhere, once a month is more than we did the year before. Even if we don't get our house perfectly organized, having is liveable is better than it was before. Even if we don't finish the whole bible in a year, reading every day is better than once a month the last year.
Things like that. The New Year is a time of new beginnings. But as Christians, we can have this every day. Every morning when we get up, our past has been forgotten. It is a new day with new blessings.
The biggest question we can ask is this: how are we using the days God has given us? Do we spend more time thinking of ourselves, or do we have a heart for others? Are we stuck in our past, living every day over and over because we can't let go and give our sins, mistakes and brokenness to God, or do we move forward every morning knowing God's blood has covered all of our sins and His healing over our brokenness?
I will come right out and say it; I do the first in every area.
See, I do not trust hardly anyone. I will be the first to admit it. I do not like other people being in control of what happens to me, because in my mind they won't know what's best for me as well as I do. If someone has hurt me, the next person that comes along must "prove themselves" before I will even consider trusting them. I'm not gullible enough to trust just anyone. But the number of people I hurt because I just can't let go of my past is saddening. Worst of all, I haven't trusted God like I used to in a long time.
I can write that you need to lean on God in hard times, trust Him in every area of your life and let go of your past so God can take over your future....but lately I am very bad at practicing what I preach. My grasp is held so tightly on my wounds and the people who have caused them that I no longer find joy in things and people that I used to. The circulation is being cut off from my hands, and it is painful. I fear it being even more painful to let go; so I continue to live with this self inflicted pain day in and day out.
Someone has made fun of how I look, I never trust people when they compliment my looks.
Someone has made a comment about my weight, I become depressed and can't eat.
Someone makes it their life goal to make me miserable, I no longer want to be around anyone, even my family, because who knows, they might be thinking the same thing about me.
Someone teases me about my lack of knowledge, I am now an idiot in my mind, and I lose any desire to even TRY to learn.
Basically I lose all desire to live my life to the fullest that is could be.
Now before you begin to chastise me for thinking such things about myself, I know it is not right. I know I'm not dumb, ugly or fat. But, like Hitler said, "Tell a lie often enough, loud enough, and long enough, and people will believe you." So, I have started believing every negative thing people say to me.
It is so easy to believe what people say, because you are around them all the time. Some people you're unable to get away from. Their nagging and lies ring through your head. They become voices that linger even after the people are gone...and at times, penetrate even our dreams.
I am ashamed to admit it, but the only praying I've been doing lately is just sobs and begging God to make everything go away. But He doesn't just wave a magic wand and make every hurt disappear. I must choose to release it.
It is a little harder to hear God when I'm constantly listening to the loud voices all around me. God doesn't speak like a raging wind. He speaks through a still small voice.
"And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." -1 Kings 19:11-12
To hear God I have to tune out all of the other noise in my life. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially when it feels like people get in your face and yell their little speeches. But "with God, all things are possible" and I know He can help mute the words of others. No matter what they say, I am not who they make me out to be.
In God's eyes, I am who He made me to be. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a princess of the King. I have wisdom, because I have HIM. I am no better than anyone else on this earth, but the difference between me and them is that I have been made new by God's grace. I am more than any mistake I have ever made. I am set free by God's forgiveness of my sins. I have the freedom to choose whether or not I will be happy, because even when Satan throws everything at me to make my life miserable, as long as I have Jesus I STILL have something to be happy about. And Satan cannot take Jesus and my faith away from me.
My New Years resolutions are probably not as elaborate as yours, but a few are these:
-Decide to be happy despite my circumstances
-Release my past. EVERY. DAY.
-Go to God instead of myself
The lines of communication between me and God are open. I simply have to make the decision to use them.
My life is not what THEY say it is. I am not who THEY say I am. I am so much more. If people do not respect God enough to respect me, then they are unnecessary in my life.
So, my request is this. Prayer. I need prayer to be able to mend the strong relationship I once had with God. I have allowed my wounds to pull me away from Him, and it is making me miserable. I need God more than I need anything or anyone else in my life, and I need the strength to stand up to those who try to tear me away from Him.
Any of you out there who struggle with these things, know that God is always there for you. He cannot stop bad things from happening in your life, but He CAN and WILL be there when they do. He gives people the freedom to make their own choices...and they do not always make the right ones....those decisions can affect our lives. But it is OUR choice whether or not we let other people's sin make a negative impact on us, or we will turn our eyes and hearts to Jesus. If you want to know the one thing that makes Satan more angry than anything, it is praying for your enemy. Forgiving those who have done wrong against you even though they have not asked for your forgiveness. It makes Him mad, and makes you immune to the poison those people try to harm you with because you do not let their anger/hatred make you miserable. And they can't stand that. Together, you and I with God, we will get through pain. We will overcome the hurt we have had to endure. Christ died so that we don't have to live in the bondage or sin (our or other people's.) It is time we accept that part of our relationship with Him.
Then it hit me. Having "New Years resolutions" isn't to accomplish everything you write down. We won't be able to complete every task we would like to accomplish; we are human, and life doesn't conform to our schedule. It is more of a resolution to oneself to say "I will use my time more wisely this year." So, a few examples would be: even if we don't go every week to volunteer somewhere, once a month is more than we did the year before. Even if we don't get our house perfectly organized, having is liveable is better than it was before. Even if we don't finish the whole bible in a year, reading every day is better than once a month the last year.
Things like that. The New Year is a time of new beginnings. But as Christians, we can have this every day. Every morning when we get up, our past has been forgotten. It is a new day with new blessings.
The biggest question we can ask is this: how are we using the days God has given us? Do we spend more time thinking of ourselves, or do we have a heart for others? Are we stuck in our past, living every day over and over because we can't let go and give our sins, mistakes and brokenness to God, or do we move forward every morning knowing God's blood has covered all of our sins and His healing over our brokenness?
I will come right out and say it; I do the first in every area.
See, I do not trust hardly anyone. I will be the first to admit it. I do not like other people being in control of what happens to me, because in my mind they won't know what's best for me as well as I do. If someone has hurt me, the next person that comes along must "prove themselves" before I will even consider trusting them. I'm not gullible enough to trust just anyone. But the number of people I hurt because I just can't let go of my past is saddening. Worst of all, I haven't trusted God like I used to in a long time.
I can write that you need to lean on God in hard times, trust Him in every area of your life and let go of your past so God can take over your future....but lately I am very bad at practicing what I preach. My grasp is held so tightly on my wounds and the people who have caused them that I no longer find joy in things and people that I used to. The circulation is being cut off from my hands, and it is painful. I fear it being even more painful to let go; so I continue to live with this self inflicted pain day in and day out.
Someone has made fun of how I look, I never trust people when they compliment my looks.
Someone has made a comment about my weight, I become depressed and can't eat.
Someone makes it their life goal to make me miserable, I no longer want to be around anyone, even my family, because who knows, they might be thinking the same thing about me.
Someone teases me about my lack of knowledge, I am now an idiot in my mind, and I lose any desire to even TRY to learn.
Basically I lose all desire to live my life to the fullest that is could be.
Now before you begin to chastise me for thinking such things about myself, I know it is not right. I know I'm not dumb, ugly or fat. But, like Hitler said, "Tell a lie often enough, loud enough, and long enough, and people will believe you." So, I have started believing every negative thing people say to me.
It is so easy to believe what people say, because you are around them all the time. Some people you're unable to get away from. Their nagging and lies ring through your head. They become voices that linger even after the people are gone...and at times, penetrate even our dreams.
I am ashamed to admit it, but the only praying I've been doing lately is just sobs and begging God to make everything go away. But He doesn't just wave a magic wand and make every hurt disappear. I must choose to release it.
It is a little harder to hear God when I'm constantly listening to the loud voices all around me. God doesn't speak like a raging wind. He speaks through a still small voice.
"And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." -1 Kings 19:11-12
To hear God I have to tune out all of the other noise in my life. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially when it feels like people get in your face and yell their little speeches. But "with God, all things are possible" and I know He can help mute the words of others. No matter what they say, I am not who they make me out to be.
In God's eyes, I am who He made me to be. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a princess of the King. I have wisdom, because I have HIM. I am no better than anyone else on this earth, but the difference between me and them is that I have been made new by God's grace. I am more than any mistake I have ever made. I am set free by God's forgiveness of my sins. I have the freedom to choose whether or not I will be happy, because even when Satan throws everything at me to make my life miserable, as long as I have Jesus I STILL have something to be happy about. And Satan cannot take Jesus and my faith away from me.
My New Years resolutions are probably not as elaborate as yours, but a few are these:
-Decide to be happy despite my circumstances
-Release my past. EVERY. DAY.
-Go to God instead of myself
The lines of communication between me and God are open. I simply have to make the decision to use them.
My life is not what THEY say it is. I am not who THEY say I am. I am so much more. If people do not respect God enough to respect me, then they are unnecessary in my life.
So, my request is this. Prayer. I need prayer to be able to mend the strong relationship I once had with God. I have allowed my wounds to pull me away from Him, and it is making me miserable. I need God more than I need anything or anyone else in my life, and I need the strength to stand up to those who try to tear me away from Him.
Any of you out there who struggle with these things, know that God is always there for you. He cannot stop bad things from happening in your life, but He CAN and WILL be there when they do. He gives people the freedom to make their own choices...and they do not always make the right ones....those decisions can affect our lives. But it is OUR choice whether or not we let other people's sin make a negative impact on us, or we will turn our eyes and hearts to Jesus. If you want to know the one thing that makes Satan more angry than anything, it is praying for your enemy. Forgiving those who have done wrong against you even though they have not asked for your forgiveness. It makes Him mad, and makes you immune to the poison those people try to harm you with because you do not let their anger/hatred make you miserable. And they can't stand that. Together, you and I with God, we will get through pain. We will overcome the hurt we have had to endure. Christ died so that we don't have to live in the bondage or sin (our or other people's.) It is time we accept that part of our relationship with Him.
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