Perfection

Something Bro. Doug said yesterday during our discussion time at church really hit a lot of people. I see it all the time, and have felt myself times before...though 'twas usually me thinking something and it not turning out to be that bad. lol

Homeschool parents often put out a message to their children that they need to be perfect. They need to be perfect spiritually, mentally, and physically....otherwise they don't deserve to be loved, and their parents won't be proud of them. If they fail a test, they get a lecture. If they tell what's on their mind, or something that's bothering them, they may get lectured again. Kids are literally scared to talk to their parents nowadays because of this. If they're confused about a situation, having a hard time understanding something, not sure what to do about a problem they're facing...they simply hold it in. They're so terrified they'll get yelled at, griped at, lectured....they simply don't talk to their parents. Most parents don't do this on purpose, I'm sure most don't even realize this is why their relationship with their children has fallen. This puts SO much of a burden on kids...and they cannot handle such a large burden. It's impossible for them to be perfect; parents, you know this. Do you remember that God does not ask YOU to be perfect? That he blesses you, IN SPITE of yourself? I'm not perfect, YOU'RE not perfect, YOUR parents were not perfect. Why on earth would you have your child believe they need to be perfect to get your respect, love, or for you to be proud of them? It's damaging what they think of themselves, they aren't enjoying life because they constantly feel they must WORK for your love. Is that what you want your child to feel? You wonder why your children talk to their friends about things they don't talk to you about. Have you ever thought, maybe, it's because their friends just listen, and don't gripe? Your kids NEED you to listen. But they often feel as if anything they tell you will end in a total mess, you being mad at them, disappointed in them, or you not understanding at all what they're going through.

You may tell your children you don't expect perfection from them. But do you practice what you preach? You can be encouraging to them about bettering themselves WITHOUT being harsh or expecting too much. Every child simply wants love and to make their parents proud. They work SO hard at it, then get lectured for every little thing they did wrong, and anything that was well done gets ignored or pushed aside.

It doesn't end there. It's gets even worse. We see so many older Christian women or men unmarried. Lots of adults think it's because people don't have the desire to be married anymore. Not so. The parents have drilled SO much of a "perfection" image in their kids heads, that NOBODY is good enough for them. The parents want that "perfect" spouse, and ya know what? They AREN'T OUT THERE. You, parents, neither of you are perfect, yet you expect a perfect person for your child? How is that right? How is that part of God's plan? Imperfections in one spouse are often balanced by a strength in the other. Nobody's perfect....stop looking for someone who's not there.

You MUST remember, constantly, that your children need love. They need to hear a "good job" every now and then. They need to hear you tell them "I'm proud of you." For parents, I think telling their child that, is HARDER than a siblings telling their brother/sister "I'm sorry." It's gotten way out of control, and it needs to be fixed before it gets unbearable.