As I sat on my couch tonight watching a show on TV, I see commercial after commercial about marriage. I see the focus of so many, and whereas I fully understand that I have never been married before and therefore have no right to try and coach on the subject, I do have some opinions, and bible verses. ;)
I was thinking, when the question was brought to attention "What is the key to a successful marriage"? I didn't have to think very long. lol Jesus is to be the center of everything in our life and if He isn't the center, then things will not go well. There is a big difference in "things going well" and "things going well for God." Things can be going great with your life, but if we're not following Christ, then is it really worth having fake happiness and fulfillment?
Now the one worded answers people gave me for keys to a successful marriage are these:
- Trust
- Commitment
- Love
- Forgiveness
- Friendship
- Faithfulness
- Patience
- Compromise
Whew! What a list to try and keep! However, if you look at these things, you can put all of them into one word. God. If the center of our life, relationships, friendships, etc is God, then He will certainly bless it. The minute you take your eyes off of God, you will experience trials hard times.
So the question is this, how will we be able to have forgiveness, patience, and trust when that special person lets us down again and again? God. In our flesh we cannot do anything good. The bible tells us that our flesh is weak.
"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" -2 Corinthians 10:3-5
"Keep watching and praying that you may not come into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." -Mark 14:38
We in ourselves cannot do anything needed for a good marriage. Only through God can we give the things needed. But also at the same time, we are to rely on God for all of our needs for love, mercy, forgiveness, trust, etc...because man IS weak in the flesh, and cannot fulfill the things we need. Again, God, God, God.
Also, when things get hard and we think what something somebody has done is just unforgivable, we must go back to scripture.
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." -Luke 6:27-28
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16
"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion."
-Romans 12:14
"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
-Ephesians 4:32
"Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."
-Matthew 18:21-23
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
-I John 1:9
"Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."
-Colossians 3:13
To be able to forgive one another in any relationship, it's an amazing gift from God. There will be times when people do things to you that will never be apologized for, but with help from the Lord, we CAN forgive them anyways! It's something we will have to keep turning over to Christ every day possibly even for the rest of our lives...but when we hold things that are unforgiven in our hearts, it hurts US more than it hurts the person we aren't forgiving. Plain and simple; forgive, forgive, forgive.
I think two of the best examples of what we should do as Christians are:
When Jesus hung on the cross;
"Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
And when Stephen was being stoned to death;
"While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep." (Acts 7:59-60 )
Our Lord, the King and Creator...even as He hung on the cross being tortured, asked God to forgive the very ones who were causing Him pain. That means an awful lot to me. That while Jesus was paying for MY sin, He was already forgiving me as He hung there in agony. And Stephen! My goodness, for a human to ask God to not hold such an awful thing against another human...that was purely from God. He can help us overcome anything, and the more I see marriages falling apart, the more I see the root problem: pride. Nobody wants to admit being/doing wrong. We must humble ourselves before our Lord and ask for forgiveness each day...even things we have only thought of in our hearts.
One of the hardest things for me to do is forgive someone when they have hurt me tremendously. Then I think about all Jesus went through for ME, a lowly sinner...and I have to remind myself that I am no better than any other person on this earth...and I have to turn everything in my heart over to God so I can live my life. And you know what? When we hold grudges and hatred for another brother or sister in Christ, it eat at our body, mind and soul so much more than it does to them. Because I take so long to hand my bitterness over to God, I hurt myself. Oh, to just have the faith of a child and be able to trust to simply that God in fully and completely in control. I cannot wait to see what else He has to change in my life.
As a friend said awhile back, "God is breaking me, and it's beautiful." For the lord to break us should be something we desire. I so pray whenever I stray from Him that He breaks me to pull me back to Him. "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
Lean not on your own understanding...but trust in God's all knowing power! :)
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