One thing a lot of people say about their life, whether they're Christians or not, is that they are proud of the way they've lived. Those who don't know Christ do things they think are worthy or good causes, a lot of Christians do different forms of charity, donate to the poor, give time at shelters and such....they feel proud of how they've lived.
The best decision I've ever made was Christ. I am proud of that decision and will stand up for my beliefs no matter what. Other than that, when I look back on my life and the things I have and haven't done...I'm not proud of it. I may have helped people here and there or "gave until it hurt" a few times, but I'm still not proud of my life. I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, said more things that shouldn't have come out of my mouth than I'd like to admit; I've treated people with much less than the love they deserved and not held my anger when someone did something to me that I didn't like. In my eyes, my life has been a total mess; I've lived in fear and made so many mistakes that is has only made me even more afraid to try new things or meet new people.
Before you start getting the wrong idea I will go ahead and tell you; no, I am not trying to get pity. I've certainly had enough of that from people and myself. Just stay with me and it will make sense (hopefully).
With all of the (many) things I struggle with, I feel alone. Like nobody can understand me or what I feel in situations or why I respond to circumstances the way I do. I completely understand that just because I've always done something one way or responded to a situation a certain way doesn't mean it's the way Christ would have me live my life. Do you remember when I talked about Jesus being the tree and we are His branches? Well, I mentioned that when a branch is cut off from the tree there will be a scar. These scars are like my mistakes; when I've made a mistake in the past, if anything even slightly similar happens in the future my reaction will be similar. I've got that scar that won't ever fully heal that keep my reactions going the same direction (often the wrong direction).
Some of you might know what I'm talking about.
The one thing I have learned through growing pains throughout my life is this: no matter how many times I let God down, God will never let me down. Pretty mind-boggling, isn't it? I mean, God doesn't need a single thing. He doesn't need me to be happy; He doesn't need the flowers, trees, animals or clouds. He needs nothing, yet He has chosen to open up His heart and pour out His love and grace on someone like me. Like one of my childhood pastors used to quote every Sunday, I am nothing but filthy rags. I deserve hell along with all of those who reject Christ because I nailed Him to that cross just as much as anyone else. But there is grace.
I think about all my problems way too much, I will go ahead and tell you that. I tell myself a lot that I need to let problems and worries go, give them over to God, but It just hit me today that I not only need to trust God with my future but I also need to hand over my past. So long as I tried to make things right when I wronged others and ask God to forgive me, God has promised that even when those people don't forgive me I have the forgiveness of God Himself; that is all I need to move on. It is not held against me, it is not carved into me for the rest of my life. God forgave and forgot my wrong.
You see, Christianity isn't some religion that people make it out to be; it's not some kind of lifestyle you can try out and toss away when it doesn't work out like a diet. Christianity is about forgiveness. The gift we have as Christ's followers is because of forgiveness. We are able to get along with people because of forgiveness. This all sounds like a fairy-tale, you say? You try forgiving everyone who asks it of you. It's not easy whatsoever. Some small things might be a piece of cake, but when you get down to the dirty parts of people and they do wrong against you, or you do it to them, forgiving it so much harder. It's a lot easier to hold a grudge or bitterness than forgive. But in the long run you simply start rotting from the inside out.
The hope we all have is in the forgiveness of our Lord. The hope I have for my future, for moving on, is in the forgiveness of my Lord.
I was reading a devotional book the other day and had to bring it home. It's written as if God had written it to us specifically. This one passage at the beginning really makes your heart stop.
"I love you, and if you can always, as it were, feel My pulse beat, you will receive insight that will give you sustaining strength. I bore your sins and I wish to carry your burdens. You may take the gift of light and merry heart, for My love dispels all fear and is a cure for every ill. Lay your head upon my chest and lose yourself in Me. You will experience resurrection life and peace; the joy of the Lord will become your strength; and wells of salvation will be opened within you." (Frances J. Roberts "Come Away My Beloved")
We are loved by God, no matter how many mistakes we make or how awful they seem in the eyes of the world. We will always be forgiven if we only ask it of Him. Once He has forgiven it is over with. We must move on with our life and simply rely on Him more for strength to do right.
The hope you have is in Christ Jesus. That is the only thing that can wash away your old life and give you a new start every single day. By having guilt of all your mistakes in your past you're not able to have a future; you're not able to be an effective witness because you will portray your sins, and not the forgiveness of God.
Live life like you mean it, not like a diet that isn't working. Every day is new. Wake up starting fresh knowing you've been forgiven. "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." -2 Corinthians 5:17
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