Each and every new day is an exciting new challenge. These days it's more of the "challenge" than the "exciting" if I'm honest with myself. Getting older isn't a piece of cake or fun ride, people. I've learned that the long way around. Thinking the older I get the more things I get to do; that's all very well and true, but it also means I've got a lot more responsibility and expectations. Every month, that picture I had in my head as a little girl of how fun adulthood was going to be, it starts to fade and morph into something much different. The stress of trying to find a way to make money, paying for new things, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life...it's all a lot to take in. People ask how my life is and I say fine, but honestly I'm just plain exhausted.
Now don't get me wrong, my life isn't awful and I'm not complaining about all of these different things. I understand fully that growing up is a rough process. Going from care free to responsibility can be a hard thing to grab a hold of. Trust me. But I've learned that if I'm ever going to make much out of my life, I can't just do my best and it be enough. I should and hope I always give my all in everything I do, but my best isn't good enough; it's as simple as that.
The bible says that in our own strength we are actually weak. That's something, isn't it? Even if I give my absolute all, it's still not good enough. This would be a huge downer to my life....if I didn't have the rest of the story. It says that because of sin, I am weak. I cannot do anything good of myself because there is no good in me. But God uses you and I both to cause good works to happen. When we put our trust in Jesus Christ we are then part of His family and He will use us as tools to accomplish great things.
My goals and dreams are often smashed to pieces before they are even thought about for 5 minutes because of my fear of man. I get so squeamish when I think about talking to people I don't know, having to carry on a conversation with a stranger or go up and help someone I don't know. I worry about what I will do, where I will end up, what job I'll get, how much I need to save, how little I make, etc, etc, etc. Yes, the list goes on and on. These, of course, aren't the right attitudes at all.
#1, "The fear of man brings a snare, But he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted." -Proverbs 29:25 I should never fear man. Ever. Period.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." - 1 John 4:18 Because I have Christ in me, I have perfect love. His love can and will cast out my fear; first I must give Him every fear and worry that I've held onto with a tight grip. I have very small hands but when it comes to hanging on to things, my grip can be deathly. I will grasp that thing until I get too miserable and tired of squeezing anymore. That is when God finally gets to me enough to release it all into His hands.
#2, My job is to grow. Not only as a human being but as a Christian, as well. Sitting at home all day whittling my thumbs isn't going to grow me any at all. To grow I must explore, learn and try new things.
"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." - 1 Corinthians 13:11
#3, I worry way too much. I completely understand the need to know how to help provide, whether it be for my family someday, being a mom (or if need be, getting a job when times are hard), or simply providing for myself. I need to know how to work. I need to use the gifts God has given me and plug them into an outlet that uses them in the best way possible. I can also only do so much. I'm only so big and my voice is only so loud. I can't make people give me a job or tell them to give me money. I also believe it's important to wait on the Lord for anything concerning financial matters. (This, of course, isn't to say I just need to sit at home and wait for a job to be set in my lap free and easy.)
The bible does touch on this subject a few times.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ...
It's not my job to worry about providing. I can do my part in following where God leads me, work hard and go outside my comfort zone, but the worry is not for me to hold. It's all in God's hands, no matter how hard I pull it away, He will always have a hand in my life.
So, the encouragement I've found in Jesus is this: It doesn't matter how many people tell me I need to get a job or that I should move out and be on my own. It doesn't matter how many friends of mine have done it or how many are planning on doing it. It doesn't matter how what others tell me, just so long as I am following God and His will for MY life. Because honestly when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter what people tell me my life should be/look like. My life should be right in the eyes of God, not man.
My life may not be easy, but I am blessed far more abundantly that many people in this world today. I have a family and amazing friends; I have more stuff than anyone needs and more money than loads of people. God gives strengths to some people, and patience to others. He gives when we need it and takes away when we don't.
I pray that I would keep my eyes on the goal: following Jesus. I don't want to follow the world...they won't ever lead me in the right direction. No matter how much pressure I have against me, it can all be released into the hands of Jesus.
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